30.12.03


a toast to all my paranoia. what do you call someone who has all these doubts with only one way to get rid of 'em but doesn't have the guts to do so? well that's me. i'm the kind of person who keeps all these major insecurities and doubts inside of me until i can't take it anymore that i burst and hurt myself because of them. on the inside i'm this outspoken super frank girl that tells everyone what i think and feel. but actually, i don't tell everyone everything. in fact i hide the most important things from people cuz i'm afraid they'll think i'm weird or crazy. well i am. give me reason not to be paranoid...

·tottie typed this at 05:17 |

28.12.03


last post was eleven days ago ne? hu-hum...

recap:

18 : gastroscopy (yuchy ouchie feelin)
19 : ultrasound (no, i aint pg.. it's too see if sumthin's wrong in there.. -.-"); sleepover at fe's
20 : went to Policarpio with 'em family and roy-kun
... i forgot what happened during the next two days ... -.-"
23 : went to star city. -.-" enjoyed NOT
24 : Christmas Eve. no hard liquor for me.. a bottle of red wine and Clue (the PC game) was good enough. had fun of course, bein with the clan and all that.. weh.
25 : merry Christmas and happy sickness day. migraine attack the whole day. bummer! -.-"
26 : went to the hospital.. yea. i got tonsilitis.. weh.
27 : that's yesterday, right? pilgrimage to manaoag. SOOPER TRAFFIC!!! but of course, twas well worth it.

tamad.

over and out.


·tottie typed this at 00:29 |

17.12.03


I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud
William Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed---and gazed---but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.


' been thinking of this poem the whole day... why? aba malay koh... maybe that's what happens when one feels blue: make no sense at all.

gastroenterologist said i aint allowed to drink alcohol for the rest of my life... like KILL ME INSTEAD, OK?! but what the hell, who said i'd be followin his orders anyway? i can just ignore him, right? BWAHAHA!!!

over and out, crazy little bitch...

·tottie typed this at 06:21 |

9.12.03


¿Si comiendo el dolor de medios, quién querría comer?

·tottie typed this at 05:17 |

7.12.03


oh how... what does one do when there are more negative things in his life than positive things?

nuh-uh.. don't think it's me. it aint. im just curious.
i may hate or get angry or get frustrated or get overly filled with different emotions (as right now)... but yeah, there's always a brighter side...

here's a list of good things to do when you're too damn depressed:
1. go out for a walk.. or a bicycle ride... or a drive...
2. go to the mall and shop... or just walk around
3. watch a movie you really like
4. visit a friend
5. watch the sunset
6. eat something you've never eaten before (or probably never will again)
7. drink some totally hard alcohol or smoke (but these are bad... or so they say)
8. do something you've been afraid to do (but of course, there are certain LAWS in the constitution that you have to think about.. but if you're a minor, what the hell?)
9. play your favorite sport/game
10. spend some time alone
11. pray

yup. if they still don't work, well then....












try again.

·tottie typed this at 05:04 |